A Little Different
by lonelylanding
Summary: Willow struggles to understand herself and come to terms with the feelings she has for Sunnydale High's newest student. AU season 3
1. Chapter 1

_***Thoughts are in italics**_

"You remember when I didn't go?"

Willow could not believe what Oz was saying, she could do nothing but stare at Oz in shock. "Why didn't you go to summer school? It's not that hard Oz, you kinda just need to show up." Heavy sarcasm was evident in Willow's voice.

"It's just school Will." Oz replied in an off-handed tone

"This isn't just school Oz this is your life, I understand that the band is important to you but Oz you could have at least done the minimum!" Willow's temper was rising. she knew that she was over reacting, but the whole summer her parents had been complaining about Oz's lack of determination. After hearing the latest news, Willow couldn't help but feel that they could be right. "Do you care about anything at all?"

This last comment from Willow was the last straw for Oz "Shut up! I don't want to hear this from you."

Willow gazed at Oz in disbelief; anger was visible on his normally stoic face. "Do you want me to just ignore it? You're acting like a child, why don't you take this seriously… Oz, how can I not talk about this?"

At this last comment Oz, tore his eyes away from Willow and said calmly "I guess we can't talk at all… We're through Willow." On that note Oz walked past Willow to head to his first period.

In shock she just stood there for what felt like hours but passed as mere seconds on the clock. Then the damn broke she felt the hot tears begin to stream down her face; she broke off in a run. After a few minutes of mindless running Willow found herself in the courtyard in the middle of the school. She spotted the bench that she was sitting at when she had first met Buffy, figuring that the happy memories might bring her some comfort she sat down. Willow was wrong; it did not help at all. _Goddess, why can't I stop crying?_ Unable to do anything to stop them, the tears continued to fall.

_I hope Mr. Synder is nicer than his name suggests. Snyder just sounds creepy, like he should be some kind of short bald man that looks like a rodent._

Tara was not normally one to let something as simple as name to affect her opinion of a person but she couldn't seem to shake the feeling that her meeting with the principal of Sunnydale High would not be fun. As Tara made her way to the administrative office she decided to walk through the courtyard on a whim. Tara hears some one sobbing as she is walking and turns to see the source of the crying. She spots a redhead; Tara is unable to see the girls face because of the hands obscuring her view. Unable to decide if she should talk to the mysterious girl or not, she just stands there for idle for a minute. Then suddenly the redheaded girl looks up and gazes into Tara's eyes, and the world stopped. Tara couldn't help but shake the feeling that out of all the recent events in her life this week that spotting this girl could very well be the most significant.

Even In Willow's emotional state, she was not completely unobservant. She felt someone's gaze on her. _I haven't always been so conscious of the presence of other have I, am I paranoid? _Willow pondered, after considering this question for a few seconds she rationalized that fighting vampires could make anybody jumpy. Finding this answer to be logical and sound she raised her head to address her impromptu audience. As she sought the eyes of whoever was standing in front of her, she mentally prepared herself to deal with teasing and other means of social degradation. However when she finally locked gazes with the on looker she felt only comfort. The wall had recently been built between Willow and the rest of the world came crashing down, she feels herself begin to fall into the cobalt eyes of the other girl.

After seeing the emotional turmoil in the redhead's eyes, Tara feels compelled to comfort her and keep her safe. Overcome by emotion she loses all common sense and flies over to where the distressed girl is sitting wrapping her in a warm embrace.

In the girls arms Willow tenses for a moment, but quickly melts into the comfort being offered to her. She buries her head into the crook of the Blondes neck and cries. Being in such an intimate situation with a strange wasn't exactly on Willow's daily To Do List but she felt drawn to this girl. Willow didn't mind her current position in the slightest though at the moment so she didn't fight the urge.

Tara begins stroking the silky red tress. Her other hand unconsciously begins to rub the girl's back in a circular motion. After a few minutes pass Tara feels the girl's breathing even out and her crying subside.

Willow not yet ready to leave the comfort of the blondes embrace, lingers in the arms of her savior. She pulls back when she suddenly remembers that despite the familiarity she feels with the girl, they are complete strangers. The moment she pulls back Willow once again finds herself lost in deep blue eyes. After a few seconds Willow regains the ability to speak. "Hey… um, I uh… thank you." Tara simply nods her head in response, not trusting her mouth to properly form words. Willow decided that she wanted to get to know this girl, and she knew that logically the best place to start was introductions. "I'm Willow Rosenberg."

"T-Tara M-M-Maclay." Tara replied internally cursing her stutter.

"I'm really glad that I met you today Tara. You have made my crappy day a whole lot better… and I was wondering if maybe you would go have coffee with me after school, so I could thank you for being so nice to me. I would just like to get to know you better too. That is if you want to of course. I mean you might think I'm this crazy girl that is just totally unstable and cries on beautiful women's shoulders. And I guess my babbling isn't helping my case so I'm just gonna to shut up now." Willows face reddened in embarrassment.

Tara while stunned by Willows sudden outpour of words did not want to miss out on the opportunity to see her again. So she promptly replied "I'd l-like that W-Willow"

Willow's face lit up in a huge grin and asked "would you possibly be free today… afterschool?" Tara nodded in response. Then the bell rang signaling the end of the hour, " "I'll meet you here after class then."

"Okay, I h-have c-class, see you l-later Willow." Tara gave her a crooked smile, waved goodbye and walked off to class.

Willow could only stare after Tara as she left. In her daze an errant unbidden thought ran through her mind, _she is the most amazing person on this Earth._ Willow quickly berated herself for this thought. _You don't even know the girl! What the hell are you thinking, and she's a girl too! Get a grip on yourself Rosenberg._ She tried to banish these thoughts from her head but only succeeded in pushing them to back of her mind Realizing she was late Willow ran to class, she couldn't help but notice that in the absence of Tara's presence feelings of abandonment and sorrow began to plague her once again.

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

"Yes… thank you, thank you." Willow and Xander turn to look at Giles as he hangs up the phone. "I have a lead; a friend from Oakland has a sketchy report of a young girl fending off a group of vampires about a week ago. There's a plane out in an hour." Xander looks at Willow steeling himself to confront Giles. Just as Xander opens his mouth Giles beats him to the punch and addresses Willow. "Um Willow… I'm terribly sorry to inconvenience you, but I must ask a favor of you."

"Sure Giles, what can I do to help?" She was excited at the prospect of being able to help. She had spent the whole summer watching Giles tear himself up over Buffy's disappearance unable to assist or comfort him. Giles' time seemed divided between worrying about her safety and blaming himself for her disappearance.

"I have a um… special guest staying at my apartment at the moment, and I'm heading straight to the airport so I won't be able to leave a note or notify her of my absence. I was wondering if you would drop by the apartment at around 5 o'clock and keep her company, maybe even have dinner with her. It's very important to me that she feels comfortable here, and she just flew in yesterday so I don't want her to be alone."

"Sure Giles I understand, it won't be any trouble at all! You know me I can talk for hours non-stop… well maybe not non-stop 'cause I would have to stop and breathe. Or! Maybe if I-"

"Willow!" Giles and Xander shout in unison in an effort to interrupt Willow's babbling while they still could.

"Oh right…sorry guys."' She laughs nervously as her face reddens from embarrassment. Willow's demeanor suddenly changes and she gives Giles and Xander a goofy grin. "At least I proved my point!" Giles and Xander couldn't help but smile at Willow's logic.

Giles rested a hand on her shoulder in a paternal gesture. The smile on the on his face broaden. Even though his role as watcher only extends to Buffy, Giles felt that in the time since he had first met Buffy, Xander and Willow that he had become a surrogate father to the three. Seeing Willow's eagerness to help others filled him with warmth and pride. Giles knew that Willow had felt useless over the summer break, but she helped more than she would ever know just by being herself, by keeping him grounded. Willow seeing the tenderness in his eyes squeezed his hand to show that she understood his feelings and that she was grateful for the role that he had taken in their lives. "Well, I must be going now… I'll call you with any news." He turned to look one last time at Willow and Xander before heading out the door.

After a few minutes of heavy silence Xander thought that some levity was needed. "So Will, who do you think the 'Special' friend is?" Xander questioned putting in air quotations around special.

"Xander!"

"What? I was just wondering if G-man was gonna get down tonight." He flashes Willow a boyish grin and waggles his eyebrows. Unable to resist Xander's charm she bursts into laughter. "Hey Will since we're only ten minutes into lunch what do you say we head over to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah sure, but I'll meet you over there I want to drop my books off at my locker." Willow picks up her books and hurries off to her locker. As she walks to her destination, Willow begins to mull over this morning's events. _I can't believe Oz broke up with me. I'm surprised that I can be so calm right now, I always thought that if we did break up I would cry for days, weeks even. It's not like I didn't cry at all though, I did cry this morning. Maybe the reason it's not bothering me as much is because of Tara? Tara… this morning she was so attentive and caring… intimate. Though out my entire relationship with Oz I hadn't ever felt a moment or a connection as inmate as the one I had this morning. I guess I always thought as when went through the relationship that it would happen eventually, but with Tara it was instantaneous. Before we had even spoken a word she made me feel like I was the only person in the world. Does Oz just dislike intimacy? Now that I'm starting to think that I would rather date Tara than Oz… I know that I like Oz and I have the same kind of feeling only stronger for Tara. So that must mean that I must only like Oz as a friend and I like Tara more than him because she is a girl so I feel closer and more comfortable with her. Yes that makes sense. _In her head her logic made sense but Willow couldn't shake the feeling her gut that she had gotten something wrong somewhere in her thought process.

When she enters the cafeteria she immediately spots Xander and joins him at the table. She looks around hoping to catch a glimpse of Tara. Willow feels a hand on her back, she quickly turns in her seat hoping that it's Tara. Her face falls when her eyes meet the pale blue eyes of Oz. "Oh… hey Oz."

"Look Willow, I'm really sorry about what happened this morning, I didn't mean what I said… I don't want us to break up."

Willow looks into Oz's eyes and once again gets lost in thought. _He wants to get back together. Do I want to get back together, can I trust him 'cause it seemed so easy for him to break up with me and I don't want to get hurt again. Wait Rosenberg if it hurt you then that must mean that you do like him. Didn't I already establish that I only care about him as a friend, because you have similar feelings for Tara? I know that I'm attracted to him right? Wait a second... if I like Oz in a boy kind of way_ _doesn't that mean that I like Tara in a boy kind of way. Oz is a boy, and Tara is a girl. Am I gay? No there is no way … is there? Now is not the time to think about this, but regardless of what the answer is I think it's safe to say that I should say no to Oz._ "Oz… I can't date you." Willow put on her resolve face to stop him so he wouldn't pursue the topic; if he asked for an explanation she wasn't sure if she could actually give one. Willow was so confused, but she knew in her heart that if she had said yes to Oz it wouldn't have been fair to him. Oz's expression becomes stoic and unreadable; at a loss for words he turns and walks away passing Tara on the way. Willow notices her and enthusiastically motions for her to come to the table. Xander was about to ask Willow about Oz, but wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it. Willow seemed fine so Xander decided to wait.

Tara chooses to sit next to Willow. "Hi W-Willow," feeling the blush on her cheeks she moves to hide behind her hair. Overwhelmed by her excitement, Willow just sits there smiling and staring at the girl she was undeniably drawn to. Sensing the other girl's gaze Tara looks up and immediately gets lost in deep pools of green. Both girls quickly forget the world around them.

Xander feeling slightly awkward decides to bring the two girls back to the planet earth he called earth, he knew where ever those girls were it was light-years away from this table. "Will? Willow? Hello? Earth to Willow, Will shouldn't you be saying something right now?"

After a few seconds Willow reluctantly rips her gaze from Tara and looks at Xander utterly confused. Xander simply gestures to Tara. "Oh! Tara this is my best friend Xander. Xander this is Tara, she just transferred." Satisfied with her introductions Willow gave Tara a brilliant smile; she couldn't seem to help but smile around Tara._ This is making me so confused. I need to figure this out, soon._ Even in her confusion Willow was really grateful for having Tara in her life, it had been so long since she had another girl to talk to. _It's nice to know that I have a girl to talk to … an amazing, gorgeous, caring girl. Oh goddess, I need to just stop while I am ahead this is not helping me figure this out at all… or maybe it is. _She was torn from her thoughts by the sound of the bell. In spite of all her confusion Willow knew that she wasn't ready to separate from Tara. "Can I walk you to class?" The words escaped her mouth before she could stop herself. _I said that outloud didn't I… Shit. _

Tara was dumbstruck; she couldn't for the life of her figure out why Willow would want to spend more time with her. _Why would someone like Willow ever be interested in me? I'm not… I don't deserve anybody like her even if it's just as a friend._

At Tara's lack of a response, Willow began to panic and immediately went into babble mode. "You can totally say no if you don't want me to. I mean I don't want to suffocate you or anything, I don't want to be that clingy girl with all the clinginess. Am I being clingy? 'Cause I'm not trying to be, I just want to spend more time with you, and-and help you. Not that you need help! You are clearly a capable person; I mean hey, you helped me earlier. And just so you know-"

Tara giggled at Willow's babble and gently caressed her cheek willing Willow to make eye contact. When their skin touched both girls felt a pleasent shock run through their bodies Willow met Tara's gaze, she could feel the blush rising in her face. "Sorry, I'm not sure if you've noticed yet but I tend to do that a lot…"

Seeing the other girl's anxiety, Tara was determined to calm her even if it meant coming out of her own comfort zone. "I th-th-think it's c-cute"

Tara's comment and tender regard bolstered Willow's confidence. "Tara, can I walk you to class?" Willow asked with renewed determination.

In response Tara simply gave Willow a crooked smile and said "Yes."

Willow felt the air leave her chest. _Oh goddess…I, uh… oh goddess. _For the first time in her life Willow Rosenberg was speechless.

Willow and Tara's conversation on the way to Tara's classroom consisted of everything from books to music they found that they were very like-minded and could talk to one another with ease. They walked slowly to prolong the trip, both girls were glad that Tara's class was in the farthest part of the school. After watching Tara disappear into the classroom, Willow sauntered back in the direction of her class not really caring that she would be late, so much had been on her mind today and most of it had nothing to do with school. She let her thoughts wander freely, and she wasn't surprised that they came back to Tara. _I may not understand how I feel, but I want to know Tara we just clicked. I don't care what kind of relationship it is I just want to talk to her and spend time with her. I don't need to put a label on my feelings. I think that having her in my life would make me happy and that's what is important. Everything has become so hard and dark; I'm not going to ruin the first good thing that comes along because I'm confused. She makes me happy so I'm happy with any kind of relationship we have… for now. _The end of school couldn't come soon enough for Willow. 


	3. Chapter 3

After the last bell rang Tara filled with a mixture of fear and excitement. _It's so exciting to be around Willow, I can't believe she wants to spend time with me… Of course I can't believe it why would she want to see me anyways… I'm so… no one else wants to hang around me why should I expect her to, when I get outside she probably won't even be there. She probably changed her mind and realized that she could spend her time doing other things… Then again this isn't just anybody, it's Willow. She's far too nice to stand me up. _Tara knew that she was being irrational. After all Willow had made an effort to spend time with her, it's not like she asked the redhead to escort her to class. Tara's excitement overwhelmed her doubts, returning the smile to her face. She quickly packed up her books and headed out to the courtyard, to Willow.

True to her character Willow showed up at the courtyard early. She had finished her in-class assignment and homework in record time, and asked the teacher to be excused early while a quiet determination was demonstrated on her face. Willow was practically willing the teacher to let her leave the classroom as the mantra of _Tara and mochas_ repeated over and over in her head. Awestruck by the speed at which Willow had completed her work, was unable to think of any reason to force Willow. So Willow was sitting down in the on the same bench she had occupied this morning ten minutes before school was out.

Now that she no longer had anything to exhaust her time, Willow's restless mind drifted. She wondered where Buffy was and if she was happy. Of all the queries ran through redhead's mind, the question that she wrestled with the most was: what happened that night? _If I at least knew what happened then maybe I could understand why she won't come home._ Willow was brought out of the depths of her troubling thoughts by Tara's approaching figure. She picked up her messenger bag and walked over to Tara. "Ready for some Mocha-y goodness?" Willow no longer trying to reign in her enthusiasm grinned broadly at Tara.

"Oh yes"

* * *

On their way to the Espresso Pump the girls talked about school. Asking each other questions ranging anywhere from favorite subjects to worst teachers. Willow was delighted to find that her blonde companion enjoyed school as much as she did.

"Hey Tara why don't you grab a table and I'll go order our drinks, what would you like to drink? And remember it's on me!"

"O-okay… I'll h-have whatever you're having" Tara scoured the room and found the perfect spot, a table in the far corner ideal for private conversations. Satisfied with her decision, she moves across the room to swiftly claim the table. Tara chooses to sit in the chair with the best visibility of the counter, not willing to let the gorgeous redhead leave her site for very long. As she watched Willow make her way to their table, her fingers absentmindedly tapping out the beat of a song echoing in the back of her head. Tara noticed that the rhythm of Willow's steps synchronized with her fingers, she reveled in that connection feeling that it denoted their compatibility.

Willow came to a stop in front of the table._ I should but the coffee down before I sit, 'cause yeah I could spill and that would be bad… really bad, a hot mocha on Tara would be a GREAT impression to leave Tara with the first time you hang out… oh wait I'm just standing here! Right putting the coffee down, now._ Willow looked into the cups to make sure that the steaming liquid was tranquil before being to move, _I should have gotten those lids that the barista offered, but no, somebody just couldn't wait to get back to the table. Patience is a virtue… great when I first started this train of thought I was just a moron, then I was a spaz, and now I'm boarding on immoral._ Willow was brought out of her thoughts by the realization that the cup on her right had more coffee than the cup on her left. _Tara is on my left,_ she affirmed to herself as if she has missed an obvious fact. She stylishly crossed her arms as she placed the coffee down, completing the switcheroo. Willow smiled to herself rather smugly at accomplishing her feat, without spilling any of the mocha-y goodness on the blonde goddess.

Tara was thrown by Willows odd behavior. _Maybe she is just quirky and its some kind of personal ritual or habit she does before she drinks her coffee… like recopying notes and color coding them… _Tara was taken from her thoughts by the other girl's voice.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Green" Tara answered without hesitation. _My favorite color has always been green she doesn't need to know that until this morning it was a different shade._ Tara knew that she was being silly, they had only just met but the artist inside couldn't help but notice these things about the girl before her. As she looked at Willow, Tara was entranced. Willow's appearance was a vibrant display of colors. The combination of the orange tinge in her auburn locks and pale skin under the incandescent lighting of the room gave Willow the appearance of radiating her own luminosity. The only thing that seemed to shine brighter than Willow's exterior in Tara's eyes was her aura, it took her breath away. Tara returned her attention back to the green depths that possessed a color that was uniquely Willow. "What's yours?"

* * *

The girls questioned each other, trying to discover all they could about the person in front of them. Their questions ranged from serious soul searching questions to the more lighthearted sort. They had become quite comfortable with each other; their conversation was void of awkward silences. Willow felt that the conversation was going very well, until she asked a seemingly innocent question. "What is your family like?"

Tara froze and began to push into the back of her chair as if to make herself as small as possible. "W-w-w-what d-do you m-m-mean?"

"Like do have any brothers or sisters?" _why is she stuttering so much? Maybe this isn't a good topic…Got it, family stuff is off limits. How can I switch topics without her noticing? I don't think she wants me know that she's uncomfortable talking about her family, she doesn't what me to suspect that there might be something wrong. She looks so scared…_ Then it hit her, Willow had the perfect solution to her complex situation. _I just need to start babbling and go off on a tangent. Then bam! Problem solved._ Willow wasted no time in enacting her plan. "I was just asking because an only child so I never had any siblings, well duh I just said that when I said I was an only child. Sorry I'm being repeat-o girl. But anyways I don't have any siblings, unless you count Xander. He is kinda like my borther, 'cause we've been friends for ages. We first met in Kindergarten all thanks to a yellow crayon."

Tara let out a sigh of relief and smiled at her, thaking the Goddes for Willow's never ending ability to talk. "Yellow crayons?"

At Tara's encouragement the redhead happily elaborated on her first encounter with Xander Harris.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: thanks for the feedback guys, I hope you enjoy this update! And a big thankyou to my beta Heather :)**_

After Willow's recounting of how she had met Xander. Their conversation had really opened up touching on more personal topics. As the two girls continued to chatting with one another, Willow noticed that Tara's stutter had become less prominent.

"I like to paint and d-draw, but I-I'm not talented or anything." Tara said.

"Are you sure you're not just being modest? I bet that you're a great artist! You're just bias, after all we're our own worst critic." Willow grinned at Tara.

"You haven't even seen any of my work yet, how do you know that?" Tara said with a smile.

With a confident smile confidently Willow replied "I can tell."

With a smirk Tara said, "For somebody that is obsessed with logic that's pretty illogical."

At Tara's last remark Willow's face filled with confusion as she stared into her cup struggling to find a justification for her own conjecture. _'God Rosenberg could you be any more obvious… yes I could lick her neck, now THAT would be obvious… Why on earth of all the things to pick from, did I pick licking her neck! Why not kissing or ogling her chest? Licking her neck, really? What is wrong with me today, I mean where did that even come from? God pull it together Rosenberg, oh man this is just getting worse, I have got to stop calling myself by my sir name in my own head.'_Finally much to her relief Willow was drawn from her internal monologue by the most melodious laughter she had ever heard.

The room was filled with Tara's soft laughter at Willow's apparent inner turmoil as her expression drifted from confusion to shock. Any passerby in the café would have been to notice the gears turning in her head. Fortunately for Willow she was the only person privy to the thoughts wandering around her brain.

Willow abandoned her current predicament deciding that anything that leads to Tara's laughter needs no justification, and was certainly worth personal embarrassment and subsequent thoughts no matter how odd they may seem. She glanced at the clock, Willow's heart sank."Uh Tara… I better start heading home, I promised a friend that I would be somewhere at 5 o'clock..."

"Oh o-okay" Tara managed to hide her disappointment. "I, uh… w-will I see you tomorrow?"

Willow gave Tara an enthralling, and maybe even carnal grin. "You will if I have any say in it"

Willow promptly turned away from Tara and set out the door, lingering over the threshold for a moment. Willow could only resist the urge to look at Tara one last time, because she had an even greater desire to hide her beet red face from the blonde. Willow could feel the heat radiating off of her face. _'Oh man… oh god… has happened to me today? Why am I even embarrassed? I mean people say that kind of stuff all the time right— I think. The point is that I never act like that, nuh-uh nope. I'm never forward and back there I sounded confident and kinda… flirty maybe? Man, I woke up this morning with thoughts about boys, particularly an Oz shaped boy, and now I like girls? Gah! This is so confusing! Why is everything so different now, or maybe it's not different at all? Whatever is happening to me?' _

The answer came to Willow immediately. Tara Maclay.

* * *

After Willow's abrupt departure Tara just sat at the table with her mouth ajar unable to comprehend what Willow had just done. _'What as that…why hasn't she talked to me that way before and when is she going do it again? Oh Goddess please let her do it again.'_ Momentarily she was overcome with hope; hope that Willow just might return her feelings. Tara tried in vain to douse the optimistic flame burning in her chest, but she could feel the embers still burning, resiliently. As Tara stared into the depths of her he reflected on her time with Willow. _'That was a close call when she asked about family.'_ She was relieved that Willow didn't seem to think of her behavior as peculiar. She realized that her short answer would not sate Willow's inquisitive nature for long. _'What happens then? Will she understand if I say that I don't want to talk about it, but then she might think I don't trust or that I don't care? Part of that is true though isn't it? I don't trust her to still be when she knows everything; I don't trust her enough to care. How could I ever think that about her though, HER! She is wonderful and amazing, I feel happier than I have in a long time because of her. So why do I feel this way?'_ The thoughts plaguing Tara were quickly becoming too much. She centered herself and let go of all her thoughts and opened up. She just let herself feel. In her repose, Tara found understanding. _'My doubt is not directed at Willow but myself. It's not that I don't think Willow will care, I don't think anyone will. Why should they?'_ Feeling all of her self-deprecating thoughts starting to cloud her mind, Tara pushed herself to concentrate on her predicament. Since she had left the house, Tara hadn't really talked to anyone about her family. She had no desire to even think about the two men that had made her life hell. Talking about it though could not be avoided for long, because even though Tara may not have thought about Donnie or her father during the day they haunted her in the night. She felt this great weight on her chest, pushing down on her making her smaller. She feared that the weight would continue to shrink her 'till she disappeared. Tara wanted to talk to Willow, to be honest but she wasn't ready to risk losing the person that was coming to mean so much to her._ 'Goddess, so much has happened and I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to feel. Isn't there someone that can tell me what to do? It's not exactly like I've ever had the freedom of choice before… How can I be so weak? This is pathetic, for the first time in my life I have power over my own life and I want somebody else to take charge because I'm scared. How weak could I possibly be?'_

"You're so weak." The words came out as a hushed whisper; Tara hadn't meant to verbalize the words. Hearing the words aloud was too much, but knowing that the words came out her mouth was worse. Tears began welling up in her eyes, Tara quickly left the table and rushed out the door. She inhaled deeply willing the fresh air to calm her. She started walking towards the apartment after deciding she needed the walk to compose herself.

* * *

Willow entered her house with reluctance, letting out a long and onerous sigh as she leaned back against the door. "I'm home!" As her words rang through the house, their reverberations penetrated her heart leaving an aching feeling in its wake. '_What is home anyway? This doesn't feel like home. There is no comfort for me in this cold, empty house. I really do love my parents, I do but they just aren't here anymore, not for me. Will I ever find a home? Can't somebody just be there? Buffy is gone, Xander is busy making out with Cordelia all the time; Giles is busy looking for Buffy. .I don't have Oz anymore, but he seemed indifferent all the time anyways. All gone, my family is falling apart because I couldn't do that damn curse…__' _Willow felt one solitary tear fall down her cheek – just one and no more. She had to be strong, filled with resolve, she couldn't cry; it would all be okay in the end. Every night before Willow went to bed she told herself over, and over again even if she didn't believe it; because she needed to pretend that she did.

In another part of town Tara was sliding the cold metal key into the lock until she heard the satisfying click, and turned the key. _'Well it works, that's a good sign. He didn't change his mind about letting me stay.'_ Tara thought wistfully. She took a deep calming breath, and opened the door entering her new environment. Tara felt immensely relieved to find herself alone. She hadn't expected anyone to be there, respite of solitude was just a habitual feeling. After coming home to those two wretched men for so long serenity in solitude had become ingrained in her mind. Ever since her mother's passing last year Tara only felt safe when she alone. _'Home sweet home' _Tara mused bitterly. The situation she now found herself in was infinitely better than living with her father and brother. She was grateful to her mother and host for saving her from that terrible house, but Tara couldn't shake the emptiness that threatened to prevail over her in this unfamiliar apartment.

'_Being here isn't all bad, being here means being with Willow.' _

Tara felt her lips begin to curve into a smile at the thought of the quirky girl she had befriended. Tara felt the embers in her chest glow brighter, burning hotter. The warmth rising inside her scorched her soul leaving a scar. Tara knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

'_Willow Rosenberg, my first friend.'_

With a renewed outlook on the future Tara hefted her book bag higher on her shoulder as she strode into her room. She dropped her school bag by one of the opened boxes in her room. The boxes were some of the few things that we in her room because she didn't have very many possessions to begin with, let alone move from Alabama to California. She sat down on the bed and glanced around the bare room, finding a sadness permeating from the bland walls around her calling to her like a blank canvas. The artist in Tara could not deny the room's call, so she began unpacking.

* * *

The walk to Giles' didn't take Willow too long; she arrived on his street at about ten till. _'Good I should arrive with about five minutes to spare! I wonder who this woman is. Xander was kidding when he said she was Giles' lover right? 'Cause EWW! I really don't want to know that about Giles. It would be good to see him move on though; I can't imagine what he has been going through. I hope that he's found someone special; I just would rather not know the details.'_ Willow made her way through the courtyard to Giles' apartment. She stopped in front of the door to steel herself and take a deep breath. She knocked. The door swung open, Willow could not believe her eyes.

_**TBC**_


End file.
